{Finding Myself Through Christianity} “What does it mean to be a Christian and still be my real self”? This question at first was difficult for me to answer throughout this assignment. What makes a Christian a Christian? Someone who loves God, follows God, and has Jesus in their heart? Someone who goes to church regularly, never swears, and prays before every meal? I think the definition of a Christian cannot be defined fully. I believe that God wants us to live our lives following Him and making the right choices. He wants us to live life to the fullest and be blessed, but is that what a Christian is? Throughout the twenty years I have lived on this earth, I believe my childhood and the hardships I have overcome made me the Christian I am to this day. My childhood was a great childhood. Both of my parents have stayed married and love each other with everything in them. We always lived in nice, but not too extravagant, houses with everything we needed. I grew up going to church and Bible study every week. My brother and I prayed before every meal and put on our imaginary armor of God every school day. We grew up with good influences and a good group of family friends. It wasn’t until I was five years old when I asked Jesus into my heart that everything changed. I don’t remember it clearly but my family loves to tell the story of when I got saved. I believe that from that day on, I started living. I attended a private Christian school from Pre-K until eighth grade. I decided to leave private school and start home schooling because of a number of issues. I didn’t have many friends at the school and some of the kids were very two sided. They would raise their hands during chapel worship on Wednesday’s and on Saturday’s gossip about the people they called friends. I knew I needed better influences in my life so I left. Doing online home school was fun for me until I became very lonely. I started feeling depressed and I soon came to the conclusion that God wasn’t there anymore. I felt abandoned by God and by everyone around me. People or teachers didn’t surround me; it was just my computer and I. My parents didn’t know how awful I felt through this because I became good at hiding it from them. I started slacking on my work and using the Internet to cheat my way through classes. I was more interested in watching TV than learning Spanish. I was in a bad place and I never knew why I felt that way. Through home schooling and the feeling of loneliness I lost myself and lost faith in God. My parents started to notice a change in my behavior while I was home schooling so my mom decided to enroll me in college courses with my brother at Oral Roberts University. I was nervous because this was my first college experience and I had just turned sixteen. I was barely a high school student turned into a college student. Once I got in the classroom everything was fine, I made friends quickly and felt like an adult. The work was hard and tedious but somehow I managed to do it. The semester after I attended my first college class, I decided to see what dorm life was all about. Even though I had been an ORU student for a semester, I wanted to feel the reality of college life. My friend Sarah and I signed up for a college weekend experience held by ORU. We stayed in the dorms, ate at the cafeteria, and attended classes in the same classrooms as regular college students. We felt mature and well, smart. It didn’t hit me until our first chapel service. I looked out at the crowd of students in front of me, lifting their hands and crying out to the same God I abandoned not long ago. I wanted to be like them, diligent Christians who lived for the God who created them. At that moment I decided I was going to attend ORU after I received my high school diploma. I knew this step in my life would be the change I needed to get real again with God. Without faith, I would never be able to find the end of the story (page 230). Looking back on my life now, I know that my decision to attend Oral Roberts University was the best choice I have ever made in my lifetime. Being at ORU has changed my relationship with God tremendously for the better. When I was at that dark place in my life I thought that praying and reading my Bible were chores I needed to do in order to be a Christian. I forgot there was a way to live my life and still be a Christian. I have learned how to keep a relationship with God and still live to be the person I truly am. To this day I live my life to the fullest appreciating everything God has given me. If it weren’t for the hardships I have been through, I wouldn’t be the same Holly I am today. Once I found myself again, I started attending church as well as going to chapels at the University. Church was good for me because I was able to surround myself with people who knew what I was going through. I believe that ORU’s policy to attend church gave me the push I needed to find accountability. The church does not define my relationship with God, but it taught me how to believe (page 230). To be a Christian and still be the real me is simply to live life learning from my mistakes, moving forward with life, and seeing every day as a chance to smile. God made me who I am with every flaw and perfection. He knew while making me that I would make mistakes and hit rough patches down the road. He knew I would stray away from Him when life was too tough to handle. He also knew that I would turn around and find Him again. He knows that the love He has for me is stronger than any love I could ever have. Life will always through curveballs but it is my job as a Christian and as a believer in the Word to never give up on the love God has given me.

Good & Bad Mistakes?

Oh hi there, long time no read...

The reason for my absence? I wish I knew. So lately life has been throwing me some pretty fast curve balls and I haven't exactly been dodging them. I have been sort of..embracing them. Lately my motto has been (live fast die happy) like make as many mistakes as you need to make and then eventually die happy from making them. I know, stupid right? Especially because not every mistake should be noteworthy.
Ive been under this spell of thinking that the mistakes I make now will only make me stronger in the end. And as much as that is true why does it have to hurt so much after making those mistakes? I've learned that mistakes only build up and build up and only you are left with a pile of shit you have to clean up.
You hope that your friends don't see you as a screw up but as a risk taker.
You hope your family doesn't see you as troubled and hurt but as going through a phase.
And ultimately you hope God doesn't see you as losing touch with Him but as testing out the waters of another life.

What really hurts the most is that at the time I need it the most I didn't have friends to tell me what I was screwing up. Instead I had "friends" telling me to live it up and have fun.


I'm back. Because I know that I find sanity in writing to a blank screen. And if that brings me out of a dark place then it's worth trying again.

End of The World?!

The world didn't end when they said it would! I guess thats a good thing, although I wouldn't mind a rapture at the moment. That just means I don't have to finish college, and I'll get to live in heaven with God and everyone I love!

There are tornados coming in right now in Oklahoma.
Yes, I live in tornado central but these are a little scarier than usual.
They just hit Missouri and destroyed a lot of stuff. I really hope it doesn't happen tonight.


Well, If i die tonight, I just wanted to say that I love you :]

till next time,
-Holly

Told you I'd be back..

I am back. surprise, right?
I was thinking about love today. Not sure why. It always comes up in my odd and random thought process.

I was thinking about what love is, and why we love. And I was thinking about why in the world I haven't found love yet. Well, yeah, im only 19, I know i know, but at the same time, that is 19 full years of a LOVELESS life?! haha, don't get me wrong. I have love. Family, Friends, the Lord. I know. But I need love that I can share with someone who feels the same way and who wants the same things. obviously I cant find that with my parents. um, awkward.

what is love?
dictionary.com defines love such as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
sounds about right, eh? well um, tender, passionate, affection.... WHAAAT? no. i dont have a tender love for my father nor for my brother. love is obviously and mostely defined for a partner. am i right? if im wrong, click the back button in the top left, or right corner for you pc lovers (booo) and it will redirect you to your previous page. I don't want to get on the wrong page here.

Still with me?
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great :]

anyway. love is such a broad and vast topic. i as well as anyone else could go on about it for days. don't worry, i'll spare you the pain and just write a little more. thanks for sticking with me because i know its not easy to read these days. screw you generational differences. reading is classical.

I know I'll find love one day. thats just the fun of it. there IS someone there for me. and once i find my prince charming, my love story will be complete and i wont be complaining about it anymore. i know your ready for it just as much as i am ready for it :]



well, this is it for now. evaluate love and what it is to you. it is different to everyone obviously. make your own definition of it. describe your love. your experiences. because in the end it your own experiences that will define everything in life. who cares about what webster says. make love your love. whether you define it as love for your partner or love from God.


for now,
-Holly

Sitting in summer class. I slept through my alarm and had to get ready in 5 minutes. I wasn't late to class though. eeek I'm tired. were talking about truth in class. it's kinda crazy how many definitions of truth people have. it makes me think. if someone asked me what my definition of truth is,I couldn't answer. I mean I know God is the truth the way and the light but what is truth to me? such a hard question to ask. this class will test me I know. it will test my religion,beliefs,and probably my moral values. HElP. I don't want to change the way I think. I like who I am. okay I got to go. gettin looks:] bye for now. I will update later loves! -Holly

hey guys..
so I can put posts on my blogspot through text messages? um crazy! this is a test :] hope it works!!

don't ever feel like your not worth something. you are special. your not just one in a million..