Oh hi there, long time no read...
The reason for my absence? I wish I knew. So lately life has been throwing me some pretty fast curve balls and I haven't exactly been dodging them. I have been sort of..embracing them. Lately my motto has been (live fast die happy) like make as many mistakes as you need to make and then eventually die happy from making them. I know, stupid right? Especially because not every mistake should be noteworthy.
Ive been under this spell of thinking that the mistakes I make now will only make me stronger in the end. And as much as that is true why does it have to hurt so much after making those mistakes? I've learned that mistakes only build up and build up and only you are left with a pile of shit you have to clean up.
You hope that your friends don't see you as a screw up but as a risk taker.
You hope your family doesn't see you as troubled and hurt but as going through a phase.
And ultimately you hope God doesn't see you as losing touch with Him but as testing out the waters of another life.
What really hurts the most is that at the time I need it the most I didn't have friends to tell me what I was screwing up. Instead I had "friends" telling me to live it up and have fun.
I'm back. Because I know that I find sanity in writing to a blank screen. And if that brings me out of a dark place then it's worth trying again.
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